"what the hell was I thinking?!"

My mood has been getting better recently but it’s still really difficult to live in this state. I’ve started counselling and I’m told that what I say is “uncommon” which can actually be interpreted as “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you as well”.

I’ve also been really busy recently; I sometimes feel like I’m being shoved from one place to another and before I can sink into my chair and get comfy for a while I have to be at some other place again like I suddenly won the Oscar for Best Actor and I still have another 18,000 interviews left to do and although it’s good that it helps to keep my mind busy I just feel like what I really need is a break but like no one seems to understand that.

I think my brain’s been overworked to the point where I can’t make any proper decisions for myself and longer. Proof of that would be that I’ve signed my life away and later on I go “what the hell was I thinking?!” and I had actually decided that I WASN’T going to do it. Now I have to try to do some serious damage control by doing more damage – yes, believe it or not that’s the only way I know of that could solve my stupid mistake – and I would probably end up back in square 1 again.

I’m just so thankful that my much needed weekend is here. I’ve got to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday later and I don’t know what to expect.