Rasa Sentosa Resort

I'll always remember Rasa Sentosa Resort as the place where I met Armin van Buuren. I still can't believe I couldn't take a picture with him. Not cool man...

Top floor, 2nd or 3rd room from the left in this picture

That's the view from the balcony. The pool looks really tempting.

There's a window from the toilet that opens up to the room... God knows what for...

The view of the bedroom through the toilet window.

Lovely king size bed that I got to sleep on for a night.

TV that we didn't bother to turn on the whole time.

The party had already started and I still haven't gotten my ticket for ZoukOut :(

Lovely sunrise! Armin van Buuren's still spinning and I'm still partying. Can you spot us?

ZoukOut '09

So my first ZoukOut experience went pretty well and I have got my sister to thank for that. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have gotten my ticket to get which would also mean no partying to Armin ban Buuren. I'd have to say that the highlight would be when he Never Say Shakedown came on. I've never heard it before but I LOVE Marco V's remix of Ali Wilson's Shakedown so when I heard the familiar beats, I went crazy.



So that song's a mashup of the 2 below. Armin van Buuren did an amazing job man. And the best part? I GOT TO MEET HIM! He was checking out of the hotel and I saw him so I thought why not just go over and say hi? Too bad I didn't have any cameras with me though but I'm still so stoked about it. HE'S SO FREAKIN' TALL!





So ZoukOut was awesome and I think it's also thanks to the drinks I had. By morning I was all red and I actually had to put in effort to stand straight. Whenever I walked I'd kick sand at myself from behind. Don't ask me how I did that, it's probably one of those things you can only do when you're almost at your limit. But the strange thing is I only remember having 2 drinks. Hmmm...

One Love

I really wasn't expecting this to show up so soon but I'm happy that it did because it's my favourite song in One Love.

Semi thick nail

3 days ago my nail split. It grew out with a huge white patch and I thought that my leukonychia was getting worse but after molesting the patch, it felt like a piece of nail that's meant to come off.

So I managed to peel it off eventually but it left a weird looking dent on the nail. I'll let the picture below explain what it looks like...


The bottom half of the nail was the part that peeled off and revealed the inner layer of my nail, meaning that the bottom part is only about half as thick as what it should be.

It's pretty disgusting and I wish there was something I could do about it but I'm sure no manicure parlour's gonna work a Jesus-standard miracle on my nail. All I can do is wait for it to grow. God knows how long that'll take.

It might be a fracture

Today I found out that my finger might be fractured. The x-ray I took wasn't really very clear but there was a line across the distal phalanx of my crushed finger. Honestly, after the past few weeks I actually thought that it was nothing, that it was just a small matter, but looks like I'm wrong.

I'm just happy I still have a full finger that is still able to move normally. That's something to be thankful for.

Bangkok for Christmas!

Last night I found out that Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video was already out so I've updated the Bad Romance post so all of you can watch it there.

Other than that, I'm just so excited about December! I'll be spending this Christmas in Bangkok (yes I know, Bangkok again but I just LOVE that place!) and I'll be staying at Grand Diamond Suites Hotel for 6 days! And for once we will not be staying in 2 not-exactly-Superior side-by-side rooms joined by a miserable doorway. Instead, we'll be staying in a SUITE (yes, you read that right!) with - according to the website - living room, two bathrooms and a dining area, along with a fully equipped kitchen equipment. It just makes me wonder exactly what kitchen equipment it is since it's "a fully equipped kitchen equipment" and what it's equipped with.

And when did my father find a gold mine to fund such a holiday with a SUITE? He didn't find any gold mines, trust me. He just made the mistake of letting me decide on the hotel. =D

Benny Benassi's coming!

Yesterday I just found out that Benny Benassi is coming down real soon! He'll be spinning at Zouk on the 21st this month. I'm just so stoked about it. Can't wait!

Crushed phalange

Yesterday my left ring finger met with an accident that has left it discoloured, swollen and looking really in vogue for halloween. Basically, it looks like it's rotting and almost ready to drop off anytime. You'll understand from the disgusting pictures.


That's the size difference between a normal finger and a finger that's been clogged with blood at the tip.


Ok, you probably wouldn't notice much from here...


That's what it looks like facing up.


And that's how discoloured the nail has become after just a day.

Honestly, if you think that this is nothing, try sandwiching your finger inbetween a safe and a wall to know how I felt yesterday.

Paul van Dyk @ Zouk

I woke up this morning thinking "why didn't I stay till 5?" but then again, if I had no one to party with, it would be no fun. Besides, my legs weren't going to last me another couple of hours and from what I've heard, everything ended at about 3 plus so I guess I didn't make that bad a decision after all.

I'm just still so stoked about this morning. Anyway, next stop's been planned. Armin van Buuren's gonna be at Zoukout which means that I gotta be there.

Bad Romance

Extremely important news! I'll let the song speak for itself. All I can say is I so can't wait.

3

Britney's got a new song but I'm not a fan of it.



I just don't understand why the good stuff like Toy Soldier and Kill the Lights don't get released but this does. Wonder what Peter, Paul and Mary would have to say about this...

Super busy week

This week's been crazy. I seriously need a break. And by that I mean alcohol, a hell lot of base, and a bloody good DJ. Maybe I need a holiday. KL anyone?

What's with the 'Von Trapps'?

For the past few days, I've been noticing a lot of 'Von Trapp' families around, especially in the heartlands. In case you don't know who the Von Trapps are, stop living under a rock and go watch The Sound of Music! And no, I did not see families riding bicycles through parks singing "doe a deer, a female deer" but I saw LOTS of families dressed in what I believe used to be their curtains.

Do you remember the scene in the musical where Maria suddenly gets inspired to make the Von Trapp children new clothes out of the curtains in her room, and the next day all of them were dressed in clothes of the same colour? I'm starting to believe that a lot of families in our little island did the same but why the sudden fad?

Hopefully some of you might have noticed the Von Trapp families lately and if you happen to know the reason behind this... phenomenon, please enlighten me.

Moving on to more important news, I'll let the video speak for itself. Just forward the clip to 2:55 and watch it from there. I know the quality sucks and the volume's pretty screwed but it's the only one I could find.

Taking Back My Love

Which do you prefer? Personally, I prefer the one with Sarah Connor but I love this song anyway.

Ris Low BOOMS! me away

And I thought Barbarella was the ultimate... I'm just glad that they've finally decided to give up on trying to win. Why send the good ones when the worst is so much more entertaining? Her Engrish is BOOMS! me away!

My "horns" Are Growing

Recently, some people have been mentioning that I'm becoming more evil by the day, that my "horns" are starting to show. I'd just like to clarify that I'm not growing any more evil than I am; I'm just using the same methods that I used years ago to deal with people now.

Basically, what's happening right now is that some people have been pushing the wrong buttons for a little too long to the point that I think is essential that I bring out the inner bitch in me that I've surpressed for years.

Don't you juse miss those days when I openly told people that they had shit for brains, when I declared war on those who stepped on my foot, and gave people names like Fat Whore? Good news is that the era is coming back!

Watch out, world of stupid/ugly/fat/inconsiderate morons and a particular village bicycle! I'm setting my inner bitch free!

IQ 18?

Sometimes people are retarded both on the inside and outside... if you know what I mean...



I believe the total score of his game is also his IQ at its peak. Now, don't you just admire me for what I have to put up with on a daily basis? And please take note of the name. Please don't name your children after stupid people.

1st 21st present

My family just gave me my 21st birthday present. It's the first present I'm getting this year and it seems to be the best ever present I've gotten. The only things that can trump it would be the Bentley, Maybach, Wiesmann, Oculus, Gulfstream and Armin van Buuren - all of which I'm not expecting to receive. I don't mean that you shouldn't give any of those to me, I'm just not expecting to get them. But if you are kind enough then I say go ahead.

Silly Boy

Empty feeling...

Only this morning did I realise that I lost my bank card. What happened was that I left it in an ATM yesterday after making a transaction and I took the receipt from the machine but then I forgot to end everything else before walking away so I pretty much left my card in the machine and anyone could have full access to it but the good thing is that no one took my money!

It feels pretty empty though, not having something so important to me; it's kindda like missing a limb.

I want the world

I think I know what I'm getting for my birthday. I should have asked for the world instead. It would have just made everything so much easier. Oh well...

I'm sick of being nice

I'm sick of being nice. I'm sick of being nice enough to be called nice. There's no point in being this selfless in such a selfish world. I shall not have people depend on me any longer. I shall not associate myself with creatures unfit to be categorised as human. It's about time I start learning from Azula.

And I've moved the list to the top of the page so no one has to scroll all the way down just to see it. See how nice I am when I'm trying not to be nice?

I've started making the list

I'm already planning my list of items for you to get me for my birthday! A Serta mattress is one of them and I think it's fine if a few people end up giving me the same mattress because I actually have a plan to one day have a bed that's the size of at least 3 king size beds in a row.

But for that special lot of you guys, I've already decided on Powerhouse with free flow of drinks and Armin van Buuren spinning music for a night. I really don't know what I'd do without you guys. Bisous!

Oh yes! The list is at the bottom of the page. Obviously on the left.

I feel like Shikamaru

I somehow seem to be good at the things that I don't really give a shit about. I'm starting to feel a lot like Nara Shikamaru. Only if I could attack people with my shadow... My life suddenly became so anime-like. Or did animes just become more life-like?

Who's up for G.I. Joe?

I've never seen G.I. Joe as a kid but it looks pretty good from the trailer. Who's up for it?

What end of the world?

I had a dream this morning that seemed like it was the end of the world but when everything stopped, I was still alive. I guess it's probably a sign that there's no such thing huh?

And FYI, I think that the whole Mayan prediction about the end of the world is total effing bull. For all you morons who actually believe in it, get a life!

Grow a pair

"You should grow a pair"
"No! Wait... yeah maybe I should..."

Payday's coming...

The only thing I'm looking forward to in the coming week is payday. My life has been reduced to such meaningless waiting for time to pass and money to come. How wonderful...

Sometimes I don't breathe

Sometimes I don't breathe when I sleep. The only time I breathe is when I wake up before I actually suffocate so that I can catch my breath and go back to sleep again. It's really scary, yes, but what's scarier is that I don't know if I'll always wake up in time to breathe. Maybe I'll get to sleep pass next Christmas.

Sleep

I want to sleep and wake up next Christmas. That's all I want to do for now. I'm so tired of this.

Pray I Get Fired

Everyday I wake up and pray that I'll get fired when I go to work. Or retrench me or whatever, just give me a reason to stay at home and sleep in and do stuff like play games on my Xbox360, pack my room or continue the projects that I keep thinking I'll never complete in this lifetime.

I don't think housework has ever felt this therapeutic before. After packing up just half the mess in my room last week, I think I'd much rather stay home and do housework than work a day in my life.

Please pray that I'll get fired. I really want it to happen.

Paparazzi

I like this music video.

Lonely

My parents are flying off to Bangkok tomorrow. I'm not going because I didn't take leave in time and also because there is the PC Show happening really soon. If I were in Bangkok, I'd miss out on the good stuff on offer but I still don't know if I made the right choice or not.

Next week's also the period when so many people I know are going to be sentenced. Looks like it's going to be quite a lonely period for me...

"Love Struck"

I think boybands are back. And I think I've got a thing for them. Oh dear....


I don't know why but Love Struck by V Factory reminds me of I'm Lovin' It by Justin Timberlake.

Life should be like wet shit

I got this feeling that I won't be able to hold my life together anymore. I think I'm going down the white trash road. I'm currently on sleeping pills because I keep waking up at the oddest hours and then I won't be able to go back to sleep. I really need to find a way to keep things together man...

For the record, I'm no vigilante at night like Batman nor am I a vigilante even later at night like Stripperella. Seriously, I have no idea how these people are able to have 2 lives even if they're fictional.

If I keep this up, my life is gonna crumble like dried shit and I don't want that to happen. I need to find a way to keep the crap moist! At least I don't have any plans to drill my brains out this time.... or at least not yet.

Really, I'm not spending

I caught Taken today. It's my first movie since... a really long time ago. I think the last movie was Quantum of Solace. Real piece of shit that movie was but Taken was the total opposite. I won't say what it's about because you really should watch it for yourself. The other reason is because I'm lazy to type the whole thing out but, trust me, you won't be disappointed.

And I'm starting to refrain from spending now. I know it sounds crazy, coming from me, but it's true. I just somehow think that it's a better idea to buy stuff only when the time is right, meaning during the Great Singapore Sale - which is coming really soon - although the GSS in the recent years seemed pretty pathetic. But then again, if you are just like me with too many things to buy and too small a bank account, maybe pathetic discounts should be taken advantage of instead of criticised.

Currently I'm just aiming to get a colour laser printer and a pair of bluetooth headphones from Sony. Those 2 items are probably going to set me back about $800 which is why it's probably best to take advantage of any discounts that might come in the near future.

But despite all the abstinence, I WILL still be going for my pedicures and I need one real soon.

Kill Bunny

I absolutely love this video. Never get tired of it.

Happy Birthday Boy Genius!

Today marks the 19th birthday of a boy genius by the name of Nicholas. Since the middle of this week, Jamie and I have been flooding each others' phones with SMSes, plotting how Justin and I would make our grand entrance at the Botanic Garden and if you thought that we were going to be strippers in a cake, no, our plan wasn't to make Nicholas foam and die just after turning 19.

But everything was so crazy and the weather wasn't on our side either so by the time I collected the cake, it was pouring and I was stuck in town and his dad had to come pick me up. The celebration had to be relocated to his place and Justin couldn't make it in the end so he missed out on all the fun :(

I got to his place and was trying to sneak in when Nicholas goes "HI SEAN!!!" Plan failed... But at least he (and everyone else) loved the cake I got for him!

Where has all my money gone?

I have no idea where all my money is going. I hardly buy anything right now, I'm not stupid enough like some people to spend on diamond rings but my bank balance just seem to keep decreasing and decreasing as the months pass. I'm seriously broke and in debt and I don't like it.

A couple of weeks back I got a new phone, the camera-less E51, that my father had to pay for. I also had to borrow money for him to enroll in night classes and the fees came up to $360 and I don't feel good about him paying for all these for me so I have to pay him back, meaning I've been set back by about a month's pay already.

Mummy just gave me $100 today for no reason and I'm still getting pocket money, all of which, I'm very sure, will disappear without my knowledge. I feel really bad at how all my money's just flying away lah, like I'm leeching off everybody or something.

I actually was planning to buy a couple of stuff but I guess I've got to put them on hold for now, or at least until I'm financially stable again. Seriously, I don't know what's going on sometimes.

You're gonna hate me

I think I'll never cut my toenails myself ever again. Nothing happened, don't worry. I just much rather pay someone to do it for me since such services are available.

New favourite show!

I paid Nick a visit today but it was just too bad that Justin couldn’t tag along. It was great to see him after 3 weeks and good to know that he’s doing fine and hanging in there. I really do hope he completes his course.

So that’s pretty much how I spent my day, having him show me, his family and girlfriend around the place and I must say that compared to hell, this place looks so much nicer and impressive. The facilities look so much better, the architecture has meaning behind it, it actually looks like a place fit for human beings to live in, and best of all, they have computers.

Anyway, I think I have a new favourite show and as you’d have guess, it’s all for the wrong reasons. This time the reason would be stupidity. Cheap budget and fugly faces are a turn off for me but somehow I seem to love stupidity to the fullest. You’d probably already have an idea of what show I’m talking about but I’m still not going to mention the name of it. You know me, I don’t advertise for free unless I think it’s worth it. The best clue I can give you is that it just premiered today.

I mean, in no other shows would you have girls talking seriously about how worried they are of their nails breaking or losing one of the crystals that have been glued on to their nicely manicured nails. If you were lucky enough to have caught the programme today for a good laugh, I sure hope you fell in love with the same contestant as I did. FYI my favourite is the one who looks like Miley Cyrus, the one who was upset about losing a crystal from her nail. OH BOO HOO! I’m actually seriously rooting for her because she’s so entertaining with her stupid comments.

I was just telling Diva about my favourite contestant and this is how our conversation went:
she’s fugly like miley cyrus but she’s stupid like...
she’s worse than you, truly
bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i am not fugly
n stop grinning
i was actually talking about the mental aspect
Oh
Lols
i wasn’t grinning. i was laughing out loud
whateva

Doctors don't always have brains

Due to certain really anal circumstances, and I’m assuming people as well, MCs from private clinics aren’t quite accepted from me anymore – actually the same goes for any other person who’s in the same boat as I am. So that meant that I had to go to TTSH, waste close to half my day on endless waiting just for a slip of paper and medication.

So what’s wrong with me this time is that I’m coughing AGAIN. But this morning I noticed that my phlegm was oddly coloured and I thought it was due to the chocolate milk that I drank but then I realised that it was actually blood in my phlegm. All I could think was “don’t let it be TB!” So since it seemed serious, it made perfect sense to get myself checked and get well as soon as I possibly can.

I go to the hospital and after all the waiting and drawing my blood, they tell me that it’s just an infection and I’ll get a free gift called Amoxicillin. They also gave me MC and gave me a choice of 1 or 2 days. I chose 2 days. I got my MC at 6PM. I’m going back on Tuesday. Why would any doctor give you an MC that covers you on a day you don’t work and from 6PM? Imagine what would have happened if I chose 1 day... Brainless...

It's been great

I look at this picture and it just reminds me of everything we went through, how much of a wreck I was and how much these 2 great friends were always there to keep me going. I’m blessed that they’re in my life, happy that we got to know each other, and so glad that we’re friends.

If I should be sad about anything regarding the past 3 months, it would be that we’re no longer together but I’ve learnt not to be sad that it’s over, but to be happy that it happened. I never knew that I could meet such great people in hell.

Aside from tht, I’m pretty happy with how I’ve spent the last 12 days. I’ve met up with close friends, best friends, an old friend and gotten back in touch with...life. The last 12 days, I think, were pretty essential to me and though I’ve overslept, lazed around the house, wasted time in town, I’m happy I did all that because I’ve forgotten what that felt like. But now that the 12 days are over, I'm happy that it happened, not sad that it's over.

Bangko, Day 4 – last day

I am kindda sad to leave this country where I’ve learnt what it feels like to live with hardly any worries at all, maybe except when it comes to sitting on a tuktuk. The difference between the rides here and in Phuket are that in Phuket, you can sleep on a tuktuk but in Bangkok, you cling on to whatever you can for dear life. But other than that, I think I’ve lived like a king for the past 3 days and although I didn’t spend as much or buy as much as I desired to, I’m happy and after feeling all dark and gloomy in the past month, happiness is something that has become of utmost importance in my life.

I don’t know but it seems like Thailand is the place for me to unwind, relax and recharge whenever I’m not in best shape. The trip to Phuket came during a crazy period in my life and I think it did a lot of good for me then and Bangkok’s done the same thing for me this time. I don’t know what exactly it is but maybe I’ve found a solution.

I know for sure that I’ll be coming back again someday, I just don’t know when. But when that time comes, hopefully I’ll be able to afford a condo here. And trust me, it’s so cheap even I believe I can buy one in the near future.

Bagkok, Day 3 – Siam paragon & Central World

Headed to the shopping district today to search for G-Star Raw because I was eyeing a jacket from it and it was sold out at the stores here. I knew we had to head to Chitlom, a train station which was near a shopping centre where G-Star Raw was, but the help we got told the taxi driver to drive us to Silom, a totally different place. We ended up stopping at Siam Paragon which wasn’t too bad since it was on the same street as my main objective.

So Siam Paragon is impressive; it really reminds me of Vivo with all the empty space it has but at the same time it has the high end boutiques that ooze prestige. We didn’t spend much time there since there wasn’t anything to do but if we did really want to walk around and cover the whole place, we probably could have spent a whole day there.

So after walking around for an hour we decided to head to Central World. The first thing I noticed when I got there was how empty it was and how each of the shops that greeted me seemed to have displays at their windows that, just by looking, you know they hide in a secret safe in the shop at the end of the day. It’s probably the first time I called a place atas.

But that turned out to be just a greeting, something like how the bougainvilleas welcome you as you leave the airport by road; it’s short-lived and the beauty of it fades off quickly. I found G-Star Raw but sadly, they only had the jacket I was eyeing in print. My next option is to get it online and thank God I found a seller in Spain who’s willing to part with an M-sized one.

Bangkok, Day 2 - Chatuchak & Suan Lum

Imagine Bugis Village being spread out across a land space of about 35 acres and trying to cover all the stalls within a day. That was pretty much our schedule for today at Chatuchak Weekend Market and it was absolutely tiring but really fun.

My favourite part of the whole market would probably be the section with all the animals. I saw a Husky and it was SO CUTE but just too bad I can’t buy it and bring it back home and still keep it as my puppy. It was only about a foot long though it was the biggest pup I saw at the market. The rabbits and birds didn’t interest me so I totally didn’t give a shit about them.

So besides pets, the market sells used clothes (wtf, i know), clothes. Jewellery, wooden carvings, watches, leather cuffs, belts, sunglasses, bags, vases, pots, plates, utensils and basically anything that they can sell at the market. There are a lot of repeat stuff though so it’s not wise to buy the first thing you see.

Had no plans for the night but I didn’t want to waste it away so when my sister invited me to join her and her friend at a night market, I agreed despite my fatigue and worn out legs. The highlight of that market would be the 2 ladyboys I saw but I’m not trying to say that Suan Lum Night Bazaar is boring; half the shops were closed by the time we got there but the 2 über hot ladyboys were the shit man!

Bangkok, Day 1 - just arrived!

So day 1 in Bangkok’s been good so far but our day started kindda late so we didn’t get to do much. I’ve already spent 190 baht (that’s I think about $9.50) on a shirt and I haven’t bought anything for anybody yet. But I walked pass a shop that sold kinky school girl and nurse costumes and I wanted to get it but I had no idea who to get it for.

We’re supposed to go to some super bigass market tomorrow and we’ll be walking only a part of it for the whole day (it’s so big we can’t finish walking the whole place in a day). Hopefully I’ll be lucky enough to find someone who can get me some hair in the market.

I’m freaking tired and I need my rest now. Will write more about Bangkok and ladyboy sightings tomorrow!

Out of hell and back on Earth

MANY days of MC
6 days straight of not showering, washing my face, brushing my teeth and taking a crap
5 suicidal thoughts
4 weeks of depression
3 months in hell
2 great friends made
1 moron on my hate list
0 cigarettes smoked

As you might have guessed, I managed to survive hell and get out of it. I really don’t know how I did it but I know for sure that I couldn’t have done it without the many words of encouragement from my family and friends.

I have to say that my stay in hell has been crazy. I’ve never felt so desperate, stressed, suicidal, sick, emotionally unstable, depressed, and home sick in my life and all of that at the same time. But all of these negative feelings have made me appreciate the many things that I used to take for granted and that’s one thing that I’m very happy with, learning to appreciate every little thing in life.

But one thing that I’ve learnt to treasure much more now is freedom. It might not occur to you but your freedom comes at the price of another person’s freedom. You might not understand it but once you’re in my shoes I’m sure you will get it.

Despite learning to appreciate many things in life much more and growing up, I don’t like the person that I’ve turned into. I don’t recognise myself anymore and I hope that being out of hell will allow me to change back into the person I used to be.

I have to thank Justin and Nicholas for always being there for me. I really don’t know how I’d have gotten through hell without them. It’s just too bad we never got to take a picture together.

Hope

I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel at last. It's been long enough and I can't wait for this journey to be over. It feels like just a matter of hours before everything's over. I think this feeling is called hope; something I haven't felt in a long while.

Thanks for you positive messages everybody. It helped to keep me going and it also showed who bothered enough to care abou me. I can't wait to come out and celebrate with you guys! I'll be coming out of hell real soon.

"what the hell was I thinking?!"

My mood has been getting better recently but it’s still really difficult to live in this state. I’ve started counselling and I’m told that what I say is “uncommon” which can actually be interpreted as “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you as well”.

I’ve also been really busy recently; I sometimes feel like I’m being shoved from one place to another and before I can sink into my chair and get comfy for a while I have to be at some other place again like I suddenly won the Oscar for Best Actor and I still have another 18,000 interviews left to do and although it’s good that it helps to keep my mind busy I just feel like what I really need is a break but like no one seems to understand that.

I think my brain’s been overworked to the point where I can’t make any proper decisions for myself and longer. Proof of that would be that I’ve signed my life away and later on I go “what the hell was I thinking?!” and I had actually decided that I WASN’T going to do it. Now I have to try to do some serious damage control by doing more damage – yes, believe it or not that’s the only way I know of that could solve my stupid mistake – and I would probably end up back in square 1 again.

I’m just so thankful that my much needed weekend is here. I’ve got to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday later and I don’t know what to expect.

I still feel like SHIT

I’m feeling very feverish today but my temperature seems pretty normal. I think right now my body is just following my mind into the deep shithole I don’t know how to get out of.

Freedom is only 10 days away but at the rate I’m going, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it through those 10 days. I don’t have a good feeling about my remaining days in hell – like duh! It’s hell for that reason – and I’m really uncertain about what’s gonna happen after that but I think right now, I shouldn’t be bothering about that because I’ve got other stuff to deal with.

The trip to Phuket is cancelled so I guess I won’t be able to “find myself” but Bankok still got the green light so hopefully that can help. All I got to do is live long enough till then because at the rate I’m going, I don’t think I need to kill myself; I’ll probably die on my own.

I feel like SHIT

I’m going through a really unhappy phase of my life right now. It all started last Monday when I woke up feeling as if someone close to me had died. Some of you might have gotten my message asking if everything was alright. If you didn’t understand why I asked such a question, now you know.

So since that day I’ve been feeling like shit every day. I cry for no reason at all, my thoughts are constantly negative, it takes so much effort just concentrating on something that others may find effortless, I’m losing my appetite, having troubles sleeping; basically my life is on a downward spiral.

So on Tuesday (this Tuesday) I finally got to see a doctor about it and I was given 3 days of MC. I’ve spent those 3 days well, doing things that I’d call “happy things” and hanging out with close friends and my family but whenever all of that ends, I just go back to square one and my world is back to being grey.

I really hope that things get better and that I don’t decide to kill myself like hang myself from a tree or something. But even if that does happen, just be happy for me that I’m no long feeling like shit on a daily basis.

New MP3!

I've finally bought a new MP3 player today! I initially had decided on this: http://www.sony.com.sg/product/nwz-s739f but I still kindda wanted http://www.sony.com.sg/product/nwz-a829 for its Bluetooth functions but due to the price difference, I decided to take the former instead and Bluetooth wasn't a must for me; it would just be more convenient to transfer files.

So I headed to Sony today and, lucky me, the latter was going for only $299! $100 cheaper than the other model and $160 cheaper than its normal price. Both model are pretty much on par (or at least I think so) so I just made things easy for myself and went for the cheaper one. And the other good thing about Bluetooth is that I'll be able to use wireless earphones.

But too bad I can't use it so soon. The initial charge is 8 hours and I don't have time to wait for it to charge that long so I've got to stick with the shitty Samsung one for this week.

I like change

After having the same sofa set for over (at least) the past 20 years of my life, we've finally placed an order for a new sofa. I don't know why but my father thinks that the current one is in close to perfect condition and is extremely attached to it which is why it has been in my family since Mother Mary got pregnant.

But one problem about shopping with my father is that he doesn't do any discussion with you so what he intends to get is always different from what everyone else has agreed on, whether he was included in the discussion or not. That simpleton was looking for any other ugly sofa to replace the 3 seater we have and he still wanted to keep the 2 1-seater armchairs. Imagine it as a suit that comes in a set. It's plain and black but now the blazer is screwed up. Instead of getting a new set, he chooses to replace the blazer with a striped brown one and that is his idea of matching furniture (or anything in the world actually).

So we had to do things the usual way and leave him out of the decision making process and take it into our own hands. And of course, with my good taste, we ended up with a decent looking sofa with good coloured covers thanks to my good taste again.

I think it's time I start planning on getting rid of the coffee table...

Missed

I think I've been awake for 24 hours. It's not a pleasant feeling but it sure feels like an achievement.

This week's been kindda ok for me I guess. I had an aim that I was truly focused on and I prayed about it as if my life depended on it. But in the end, I didn't manage to reach my goal but I'm still happy with the outcome and I can say that I did my best, which is what really matters to me.

I'm gonna have to sleep now or my speech will get all screwed up and I mumble stuff like "why you got cum on your arm?" True story.

Look at what I bought!

I placed an order for the Binbin waste paper basket last week and it arrived this Thursday. I checked it the moment I got back and lucky for me there weren't any damages. I had to ship it in (I think from the Netherlands) so it would've been really troublesome if I had to ship it back because of damages and all that nonsense.


Aside from that, there's nothing going on in my life.

I miss my life

I’m currently on MC and I’m loving every second I get to spend at home. I’m down with some weird stomach thingy; doctor thinks it’s stomach flu but at least it hasn’t reached the stage where I’m vomiting and diarrhoea-ing 24/7.

Getting to spend some time at home really reminds me of how much I miss what my life used to be. I got a DVD today but I haven’t got to watch it yet. Was busy with dinner because it was mummy’s birthday and I was catching up with people when I got back home. I hope my life isn’t gonna be like this for 2 years man. Don’t know how the hell I’ll be able to keep up with the world.

I’m already done with 8 weeks; I’ve got about 5 more weeks to go. I want it to end for good; going to hell and coming out alive is bad enough, I don’t need to go through it again. Maybe I should just lead a simple life and stay under the radar. I really don’t know what I want at this point.

Happy Birthday Mummy. Sorry I couldn't find a better present.

Please let it be a short week

My New Year celebrations have been good so far and I think that having just 2 days of public holiday isn’t long enough. I got to meet up with relatives after a long time and thankfully didn’t have to put up with the “you got girlfriend” questions (or at least not as much as I was expecting). I guess the ang paos I get can kindda make up for putting up with those inane conversations.

Met up with Ryan today and it was supposed to be my treat but I think we both forgot about it (honestly, if you read this I only remember now that I said it was going to be my treat). He had a lot to talk about but I think I’m seriously forgetting how to use my brains because I was pretty quiet the whole time but today is the day that we decided that we’re gonna grow rich together! I still want my Rado watch though...

This week’s gonna be a short one and I’m hoping it’ll be a good one. I can’t wait for this weekend again because I need to shop! My MP3 player’s gonna die real soon; it’s starting to split apart from one of the corners. Anyone got any good recommendations? And remember, I hate touch sensitive stuff.

I'm back

So basically what happened is that I went on a horrible holiday to a place where there's no such thing as internet and there're no phones, nothing for me to contact the outside world. During my extremely wonderful holiday, I didn't have time to brush my teeth, I couldn't bathe, couldn't wash my face, refused to shit (but I definitely pissed but kept it to a minimum) for 5 days.

What's really interesting about my holiday was that I became a really smelly, really dirty person but I think I kindda got used to it. When I got home, my feet had a 'stench radius' of about 3 meters, my clothes smelled so bad and were so dirty my mummy washed them 3 times, and the best part was that I smelled so bad for so long that I got used to it and I couldn't tell how bad my feet or my clothes smelled.

But the good thing about my holiday was that it really made me learn to appreciate the really basic stuff like having lights on at night, music that's easily available, loved ones and many other stuff.

Anyway, I'm really happy to be back and pigging out like nobody's business. Right now I eat even when I'm full and I ALWAYS have dessert after every meal. I'm looking forward to enjopying my next few days of public holiday and hopefully meet up with friends who remind me that I'm getting skinnier and more autistic by the week.

Long Gone

I'm gonna be gone for a long time. 2 weeks if I'm not wrong. I don't know if I'll still be alive the next time you see me. Pray for me. I'll need it.

Love,
Sean Remiel

Armin van Buuren @ Zouk

Last night was probably the best clubbing experience I’ve had so far and I actually have my sister to thank for that. Being away really does suck because you have no idea what’s going on in the real world or any kind of news that would actually matter in the real world like Armin van Buuren playing at Zouk for example.

He was the main reason why I decided to accompany my sister yesterday and although the club was packed like a sardine can I still had lots of fun and I stayed all the way until 5. Was really tired after that but I must say that it was worth it.

I tried taking a couple of pictures but a 2MP camera phone isn’t able to work miracles in dark places and I didn’t bring the camera since we pretty much left in a hurry which means no pictures. :(

I'm growing brainless

I met up with Isa and Di last night for just a drink. I had just a pint of Hoegaarden or something like that but in those few hours we spent together, Isa made it very clear to me that I was starting to sound like an autistic child. I guess if you've gone through what I have so far, you find having a brain quite a disadvantage.

He also added that I seemed stressed and I wasn't myself anymore, like I wasn't the retarded happy kid who loved to sniff the smell of stale tabacco on him from behind or the same kid that would jump up and down for no reason at all.

I guess that night brought me to realise that I'm slowly growing brainless and it kindda scares me. If that's what I've become, that's how much I've change just over a month, imagine what I'd be like after 3 months. Am I going to become a loser like Loser Parasite? I better start praying and ask for God to save me from that horrible fate.

But over the last 2 days, I've learnt that you can be brainless, speak horrible English and still have the whole world like you. See for yourself.