I still feel like SHIT

I’m feeling very feverish today but my temperature seems pretty normal. I think right now my body is just following my mind into the deep shithole I don’t know how to get out of.

Freedom is only 10 days away but at the rate I’m going, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it through those 10 days. I don’t have a good feeling about my remaining days in hell – like duh! It’s hell for that reason – and I’m really uncertain about what’s gonna happen after that but I think right now, I shouldn’t be bothering about that because I’ve got other stuff to deal with.

The trip to Phuket is cancelled so I guess I won’t be able to “find myself” but Bankok still got the green light so hopefully that can help. All I got to do is live long enough till then because at the rate I’m going, I don’t think I need to kill myself; I’ll probably die on my own.

I feel like SHIT

I’m going through a really unhappy phase of my life right now. It all started last Monday when I woke up feeling as if someone close to me had died. Some of you might have gotten my message asking if everything was alright. If you didn’t understand why I asked such a question, now you know.

So since that day I’ve been feeling like shit every day. I cry for no reason at all, my thoughts are constantly negative, it takes so much effort just concentrating on something that others may find effortless, I’m losing my appetite, having troubles sleeping; basically my life is on a downward spiral.

So on Tuesday (this Tuesday) I finally got to see a doctor about it and I was given 3 days of MC. I’ve spent those 3 days well, doing things that I’d call “happy things” and hanging out with close friends and my family but whenever all of that ends, I just go back to square one and my world is back to being grey.

I really hope that things get better and that I don’t decide to kill myself like hang myself from a tree or something. But even if that does happen, just be happy for me that I’m no long feeling like shit on a daily basis.

New MP3!

I've finally bought a new MP3 player today! I initially had decided on this: http://www.sony.com.sg/product/nwz-s739f but I still kindda wanted http://www.sony.com.sg/product/nwz-a829 for its Bluetooth functions but due to the price difference, I decided to take the former instead and Bluetooth wasn't a must for me; it would just be more convenient to transfer files.

So I headed to Sony today and, lucky me, the latter was going for only $299! $100 cheaper than the other model and $160 cheaper than its normal price. Both model are pretty much on par (or at least I think so) so I just made things easy for myself and went for the cheaper one. And the other good thing about Bluetooth is that I'll be able to use wireless earphones.

But too bad I can't use it so soon. The initial charge is 8 hours and I don't have time to wait for it to charge that long so I've got to stick with the shitty Samsung one for this week.

I like change

After having the same sofa set for over (at least) the past 20 years of my life, we've finally placed an order for a new sofa. I don't know why but my father thinks that the current one is in close to perfect condition and is extremely attached to it which is why it has been in my family since Mother Mary got pregnant.

But one problem about shopping with my father is that he doesn't do any discussion with you so what he intends to get is always different from what everyone else has agreed on, whether he was included in the discussion or not. That simpleton was looking for any other ugly sofa to replace the 3 seater we have and he still wanted to keep the 2 1-seater armchairs. Imagine it as a suit that comes in a set. It's plain and black but now the blazer is screwed up. Instead of getting a new set, he chooses to replace the blazer with a striped brown one and that is his idea of matching furniture (or anything in the world actually).

So we had to do things the usual way and leave him out of the decision making process and take it into our own hands. And of course, with my good taste, we ended up with a decent looking sofa with good coloured covers thanks to my good taste again.

I think it's time I start planning on getting rid of the coffee table...

Missed

I think I've been awake for 24 hours. It's not a pleasant feeling but it sure feels like an achievement.

This week's been kindda ok for me I guess. I had an aim that I was truly focused on and I prayed about it as if my life depended on it. But in the end, I didn't manage to reach my goal but I'm still happy with the outcome and I can say that I did my best, which is what really matters to me.

I'm gonna have to sleep now or my speech will get all screwed up and I mumble stuff like "why you got cum on your arm?" True story.

Look at what I bought!

I placed an order for the Binbin waste paper basket last week and it arrived this Thursday. I checked it the moment I got back and lucky for me there weren't any damages. I had to ship it in (I think from the Netherlands) so it would've been really troublesome if I had to ship it back because of damages and all that nonsense.


Aside from that, there's nothing going on in my life.

I miss my life

I’m currently on MC and I’m loving every second I get to spend at home. I’m down with some weird stomach thingy; doctor thinks it’s stomach flu but at least it hasn’t reached the stage where I’m vomiting and diarrhoea-ing 24/7.

Getting to spend some time at home really reminds me of how much I miss what my life used to be. I got a DVD today but I haven’t got to watch it yet. Was busy with dinner because it was mummy’s birthday and I was catching up with people when I got back home. I hope my life isn’t gonna be like this for 2 years man. Don’t know how the hell I’ll be able to keep up with the world.

I’m already done with 8 weeks; I’ve got about 5 more weeks to go. I want it to end for good; going to hell and coming out alive is bad enough, I don’t need to go through it again. Maybe I should just lead a simple life and stay under the radar. I really don’t know what I want at this point.

Happy Birthday Mummy. Sorry I couldn't find a better present.